I Won't Give Up
by MssrTragicandConsumptive
Summary: Remus and Sirius both know that the world is changing...maybe it's time they realized that they can't do it alone. Because together they make the whole picture, and alone they are just pieces to an unfinished puzzle. Wolfstar Remus/Sirius


**So this is what I get up too in the wee hours of the morning when I have a headache. For the record, the typing did not help my head at all. **

**Anyway, a little wolfstar to Jason Mraz's song I won't give up! Enjoy! T&C  
**

There is a soft sound that echoes along the stone of the hallway that leads to the common room in Gryffindor tower. It is the sound of feet, bare and cold, trying to be as quiet as possible as they take a restless sixth year away from the other sleeping boys and to a place that is empty and good for thinking. Cold stone gives way to thick rugs and the dim glow from the dying fire in the hearth, centuries old, dances off the various furniture, adding to the mysterious feel that comes from being wide awake in the middle of the night.

The windows are all open, the smell of May sifting in with rain that makes the warm room almost uncomfortably humid. The mingling of the dying fire's smoke with the earthy air is almost heady as Remus Lupin slides a hand over the back of a chair, feeling the worn down fabric with curious fingers. Slowly, he makes his way across the room, his feet taking him along while his mind is miles from his body. Lost in a place that until this night he has been able to ignore with a good deal of carelessness.

His wandering takes him to the seat by the window. A wooden little bench built into the wall where one can sit and view the entire sky from the tower, and look out at the trees and lush grounds that spread as far as the eye could see. Somewhere in the distance, little trails of smoke indicats the little town of Hogsmead, silent in the thick air of night.

Remus closes his eyes and breathes out slowly, letting the tightness in his chest ease as he tries to think logically. As he tries to do what he does best, make logical sense of a situation he can't entirely control. There is always a good explanation for something when it happens. The conclusion he comes to very quickly is that he has lost his mind.

_When I look into your eyes  
It's like watching the night sky  
Or a beautiful sunrise  
There's so much they hold  
And just like them old stars  
I see that you've come so far  
To be right where you are  
How old is your soul? _

Remus closes his eyes and imagines Sirius is there, with him in the empty common room. That he is there holding his hand and looking at him like he had earlier that night when they had gotten caught in the storm together and they were pressed under the Quidditch shed trying not to get wet. The damp smell of the loose dirt had mixed with the spicy smell of Sirius.

Sirius had looked down and caught Remus' gaze and they stood there, in the rain, water trickling through hair and rolling down noses. Sirius had reached up and cupped his cheek, brushed a thumb over his skin that was quickly deepening in color under the pale scar that traced the delicate bone.

Remus' eyes flick open and he is looking at the empty, dark common room again. He lifts a finger to his lips and shivers. Looking at Sirius like that, taking him in, really seeing him and everything he was thinking through eyes, that seemed suddenly so much older for a boy who acted like he was chronically stuck at twelve years old, he could hardly understand what had happened at that moment. The moment right before their lips had touched. Sirius had pulled away, shoving off of the shed and hurrying away into the rain.

Remus had stood there, dumb-founded and not entirely sure what had just happened, or what he should do, or if he should do anything at all. He knows one thing though. He had wanted that kiss.

He still wants it. He wants it so badly that he can feel the space between his and Sirius' lips by the shed all over again. The soft touch of their mingling breath, and the way Sirius' broomstick roughened fingertips felt on his skin. He wants all of it. And he has very silently for a long time. He just didn't have the courage to ask for it. To try.

He presses his forehead to his knees and curls tightly in on himself. He hurts, deep in his chest there is a thick, throbbing ache that is making it hard to breathe. Did Sirius want it? Would he ever? Was that moment all in his head?

He can't stop thinking about it.

Can't help but wonder, if Sirius all curled in his bed upstairs, had thought about it before drifting off to sleep.

_ I won't give up on us  
Even if the skies get rough  
I'm giving you all my love  
I'm still looking up _

There is a ruffle of covers and Sirius knows that Remus has gotten up. Even if he is sleeping, he always knows when Remus can't sleep. Sometimes it's because it is close to a full moon and he hurts to much too, and sometimes it is simply because his little teenage brain is trying to think about all those adult things he shouldn't have to worry about, but has been dealing with since before Sirius was out of his nappies. Normally he would catch Remus before he was even out of the dormitory door, pull him to the bed and curl around him. Sirius would hold him to his chest while the shivers worked through his fragile frame, or listen to him talk himself to sleep. Tonight he just listens however, unsure of how to approach the other boy for the first time in years.

Sirius rolls onto his back and scowls deeply, his chest throbbing slow and hard with the big empty hole he seemed to posses whenever Remus isn't near him. He put a hand over his heart, fingers tangling in his loose t-shirt frabric. He didn't get it. Bestmates worried about each other. They wanted to make sure the other was okay. Especially those who had known each other as long as Sirius and Remus had, and especially after all they had been through.

But do bestmates tangle together in the sheets when they can't sleep? Look for reasons to touch the other on the wrist or shoulder just to make sure the other knows they are still there? Stand in the rain and want to...want to...

Sirius squeezes his eyes shut and frowns more deeply, making a disgruntled noise. Remus was special to him. Special and wonderful and impossible. He moved so carefully, tried to have perfect control on the things he was able to keep in check, and was wicked smart and sneaky to boot.

And when he smiles Sirius can feel his body heat up and he always smiles back. When he laughs Sirius knows he has done something right, and when Remus is upset he will do anything he possibly can to try and bring his smile back.

_And when you're needing your space  
To do some navigating  
I'll be here patiently waiting  
To see what you find _

Sirius knows that Remus is thinking about what had happened that afternoon in the rain, both of them damp and pressed together without anyone around to heckle them. He knows that is why Remus has slipped from his sheets in the damp, cool dorm and slipped down the tower steps to be alone. He doesn't want to confront Sirius because he isn't sure what he will say. Sirius is fairly sure Remus isn't even sure what he wants.

But something is starting to work it's way into Sirius' mind. It is slow to start, slow and hazy like the air that seems to making ignoring everything and going to sleep impossible. He is usually so very good at that. He is the king of putting something away and hoping it will have worked out by the time he wake up.

Finally he tugs the sheets from where they have tangled around his feet and throws his legs over the side of the bed. There is something funny about the way Sirius' brain works. It never thinks things through all the way, he usually acts first, or works off of a half formulated idea. Right now he knows two things. Remus isn't here and this is a problem, and he is fairly certain he should have kissed Remus when he had the chance.

_'Cause even the stars they burn  
Some even fall to the earth  
We've got a lot to learn  
God knows we're worth it  
No, I won't give up_

Sirius takes the steps down to the common room two at a time, nearly tripping on his own feet twice. When he hits the landing his breath is quick in his chest. He tries to look collected at he leans against the entryway and clears his throat.

From the window seat Remus jerks his head up off his knees. There is a little red mark on his forehead from where the pressure had rested. He sees Sirius and his face turns the color of the mark, hiding it easily. His heart catches and he looks away.

"Shouldn't you be in bed? We have a test tomorrow..." He says, his voice sounding off even to himself. He briefly wonders if he can pass it off on the humidity of the room, or Spring allergies. Sirius is still looking right at him.

"I could ask you the same thing. You're gonna get sick sitting down here in your pajamas with the windows open." Sirius says easily, his voice carry that drawl that means he is actually beating around the bush because now he isn't entirely sure what to do next. Remus watches him fold toned, pale arms over his chest from the corner or his slightly glowing eyes.

"I won't catch cold. It's too warm in here..." Remus says softly. His head is spinning. He wants to ask about earlier but now he is too scared. He is afraid to know what Sirius had been thinking.

"Look, you will be a zombie and sleep in Transfiguration and McGooglyhead will beat you upside the head with a book and then-then you'll have a concussion...bugger." Sirius runs a hand through his shaggy black hair, musing it on his head. "Come to bed Remus."

"I tried to sleep, I'm going to stay here and...and read or something..." Remus says softly, still not looking fully at Sirius.

"Look-" Sirius pushes off the landing. "You can't hide down here all night. What will you do when the girls come down here and you are passed out on the sofa in your pajamas?"

"I don't care about what girls think about my sleeping on sofas in my pajamas!" Remus snaps, then pauses. That sounded immensely... "Bother."

There is a long pause between the two of them as Sirius stares at Remus and Remus looks any and everywhere but Sirius.

Sirius frowns. His whole body is wound up like a top. He can't just stand there and not do nothing, not move. He _really_ needed to think these things through a little more before rushing into them. He shoved his fingers through his hair again, starting to look a little like James before a History of Magic test. Manic.

"Look-if this is about earlier and in the rain with you know-" Sirius lets out a very frustrated noise. "Like-bugger everything Sirius Black you moron-" He brought his hand to his forehead with an amusing smack. Remus was now staring at him, eyes round.

"Sirius..."

"No-just...just _listen_ okay? Just listen for like, thirty seconds while I try to get this out in some semblance of-Is this English? Moony, am I even speaking English?"

"Err...I think this is a rare dialect of Padfoot-ese...actually..."

Sirius falters.

_I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily  
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make  
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use  
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake  
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend  
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn  
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in  
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not  
And who I am _

The thickness in the room has nothing on the tension that transpires in the few seconds before Sirius purposefully steps to the common room floor and closes the distance between the two of them, taking Remus face in his hands and eliciting a rather indignant squeak from the other boy.

"I-" Sirius closes his eyes a minute, as if somehow my touching Remus' face will help him think. "I don't know if this is...incredibly pooftish-or if it is going to freak you out-but I...I-" he swallowed. "This is _very_ pooftish."

"It...is a little..." Remus can feel his whole face going as red as Sirius'. "But I mean...you and James are always saying I'm a woman, so maybe not..." He knows he sounds like a moron for bringing that up now but all proper and normal responses are being stalled by the fact that Sirius is holding his face.

"Listen-" Sirius says again, his expression is suddenly very focused. "I'm not going to give up. You and me. I mean. I...I've thought about it. And it scared me. Is still scares me. I just...I know that you and me aren't like me and James. It's...it...I can't do this whole...life thing without you. I need you Remus. I can't give up on you because when I look at your face I just want to grab you like...like this-" Sirius' eyes are full of desperate groping for words that he can't seem to find. "I...I think...I...I-" he stutters to a stop.

Remus brings a hand up slowly and covers Sirius' hand with it softly.

"Sirius...I don't want to give up either." Remus' eyes flit up and they lock with Sirius' steely gray ones. "I don't...I can't be without you. Which...sounds sort of stupid so I wasn't going to say anything because I didn't want you to...to freak out." he thumbs over Sirius' knuckles. "But today...today I realized that..I...I think..." He has the sudden need to shoot out of Sirius' hands like a bar of soap so that his mouth will stop running.

Before Remus can even finish his thought process, Sirius ducks forward and Remus is electrocuted by the foreign and brilliant feeling of Sirius' lips pressing hard to his. He shivers and leans into the kiss without a second thought, finger's curling around Sirius' wrist.

_I won't give up on us  
Even if the skies get rough  
I'm giving you all my love  
I'm still looking up  
Still looking up. _

Sirius pulls away from Remus slowly, his heart hammering so hard in his chest that he if fairly certain Remus can hear it. Or possibly feel it. All he really wants to do is kiss him again. Keep kissing him. Maybe just glue himself to the other boy at the mouth because at the moment that did not at all sound like a bad idea.

"I love you-"

Sirius stops thinking and looks at Remus.

"I...I love you, Sirius." Remus repeats slower, his golden eyes are full of something warm and vulnerable, and under Sirius' hands he is shaking. "Which may or may not be a really gay thing to say right now, but it is the truth and honestly-" he gives Sirius a hard look. "You really ticked my off when you ran away earlier."

"I-" Sirius stutters uselessly.

"And you know what else-If you are gonna go kissing a bloke and he is going to tell you he loves you it is a general sort of thing that you either freak out or say something because I am going to start hyperventilating and imagining myself alone in a house with large volumes of Shakespeare and to many jumpers and dictionaries with _actual _gold embossing because I was a big silly poofter and freaked out my best mate and-"

Remus is cut off mid-stream by Sirius' lips meeting his again. This time much softer, his fingers tangling into soft brown curls. When he pulls back, he is smiling very warmly.

"You won't grow old with Billy Shakes Remus...because...I think...I love you too." He said very quietly.

This time it was Remus' turn to do the kissing, catching Sirius by the collar and very nearly making them both fall onto the floor beside the giant sky painted window.

_I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)  
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)  
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)  
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)  
_

The next morning, as the sun tipped into the drapes of the beds in Gryffindor tower, it was to be seen that Remus' bed lay empty. James Potter was very use to this as he knew of Remus' insomniac behaviors. He walked over expecting the usual, Remus and Sirius tangled in a heap of boy limbs with some poor book wedged between them.

When he slid back the heavy, crimson drapery however, he actually stopped and stared. Remus was curled under Sirius' chin, the two of them fit together like pieces of a puzzle. Their fingers were laced together, weaved tight and unyielding to either of their movements in their sleep. He watched them for a long moment before a smile danced across his lips, blue eyes twinkling behind his glasses.

"Ten points for James Potter..." he hummed, gently closing the drapes. He would get make-up work for them, being the gentleman he was, and he would collect ten sickles from Lily for calling that they would be together before the end of the year.

After James shut the drapes Remus opened a sleepy eye to look up at Sirius, still out cold.

"I won't give up..." he said softly, before drifting back off.

_I won't give up on us  
Even if the skies get rough  
I'm giving you all my love  
I'm still looking up _


End file.
